Happiness in Japanese is “shiawase.” For a long time, “shiawase” has meant transforming yourself to respond to your situation. I love this old definition of “shiawase” because this old definition appreciates all happenings and all bonds between us. People whom you dislike or people who hurt you are also included in your appreciation. And these days I think that it is so true.

People who hurt me and people whom I dislike also influence me as much as the people who love me and the people whom I love. Those experiences helped me to learn something good, and it is a part of me.

So, I feel that now I am “shiawase.” And it is a good state for me.

I went to an exposition of Vincent Van Gogh in Kyoto. Actually I don’t know him so well. I don’t dislike “Sunflowers” which is one of most famous his work, but I felt it was clouded and murky.

While I saw his works in the National Museum of Modern Art, Kyoto, I was attracted to his self-portrait which was drawn in his last days in Paris. In my eyes, that self-portrait was the most purified and gentle. According to captions in the museum, he did not have a good life at that time. Buf I felt that he unintentionally reached what he wanted to draw.

“Sunflowers” was drawn in Arles where he lived after Paris. Generally some works which were drawn in Arles receive high praise. But I felt that he already lost his balance, meaning he could not use suffering and pain to ennoble himself.

I saw his dignity and ennoblement in his last days in Paris. And also I believe that his works still ennoble someone’s soul beyond time.

I have been walking every three or two days. But hay fever season is coming soon. And I need more alternatives for midsummer days and strong rainy days.

So to search for more options, I decided to put more pressure on myself. So that I could clearly know my plan to reach the next level. During that week, I decided to swim for the first time in four years.

Near my house, there is a swimming pool which has produced many Olympic medalists. That pool is known for high quality water. I distanced myself from swimming pools because of the bad quality of water which made me nauseous. But swimming is one of the best ways of improving my physical strength. If I restart swimming, it would be very beneficial for me.

On Sunday afternoon, that swimming pool is opened for non-members. So I went to that swimｍing pool in high spirits. But unfortunately, it was closed. I had already worn my swimsuit under my clothes.

Out of need, I changed my plan. I started to walk for over 90 minuites wearing my swimsuit. It was so funny. What I learned was wearing a swimsuit was warmer than I felt in the water. I wore few pieces of clothing, including my swimsuit from my house, but it was enough for a 90 minute walk. And also I could walk at a different time than usual. So I could realize spring was here in the daytime. After 3 pm, it felt like winter again. But around noon, kittens were walking and it was totally spring.

I keep on searching for more options, and the most important thing was that unrealized things can also be a resource.