“12 ans”

I have worn outfits by Petit Bateau of France often for over 20 years. Their philosophy is to never be out of fashion. Their lines are always simple, precise and beautiful. They keep their shape well despite repeated cleaning.

When I was in my early twenties, I poured my energy into being in better shape. I endured 90 minute workouts three days in a week. I tolerated drinking strawberry-flavored protein drinks, too. I loved to dressed down in a simple t-shirt and skinny jeans paired with stiletto pumps. I tried to fit into that kind of style.

And I found out that it was impossible to wear “12 ans” size shirts. I wore a Japanese size 7 or 9. But “12 ans” was too small for me. To wear “12 ans”, I would have needed to compress my skeleton.

Many years passed after that and I forgot all about it. I loved my natural body. I discovered yoga and Pilates were suitable for my body. I learned that I didn’t need to control my body based on my preconceptions. I just started to love who I was and to love my body. I started to respect my body.

Two years ago, I learned how to take back subtlety in my body while practicing shamanic training. I have continued my efforts since then. Last autumn, I started to feel that “14 ans” was too big for me. This winter I really felt that they were baggy. Finally, I was determined to wear “12ans” which had been too small for me.

But amazingly I could fit into it and it was the right size. Now I never hanker after wearing a small size like “12 ans.” But now “12 ans” is my size, as if my subconscious never give up fulfilling my wishes.

Sometimes we say, you have to let go of something to get it. It happened to me for some reason. Anyway, I have a “12 ans” body now.