The effect of PM2.5 is serious in western Japan. When I moved to Kyoto, the spring haze on the mountains was so beautiful. Japanese bush warblers sang in operatic voices. I was usually wrenched from sleep by their loud voices before the alarm clock went on.

But only after five years, sometimes I cannot see the mountains because of PM2.5. Japanese bush warblers sing in smaller voices than before as if they have smaller lungs. Now, I strain to hear their voices. I guess that they naturally suppress their breathing to save their body from dirty air.I involuntarily keep my laundry inside. And I change how and when I do the laundry. It disrupted my daily habits like a domino effect. There is the sun and wind just outside, but it feels far away.

When the level of PM2.5 is low, usually it means rain or snow. But amazingly, these last two days have had a low level of PM2.5 and almost always sunny. I could happily put my futon outside.  I could wash my big blankets, carpets and many other things because the sun and wind can make it dry quickly. I was so happy.

I knew that some plants like sansevieria can decontaminate chemicals such as formaldehyde. And I found on Google, some curtains with similar functions. I have a big Blueair, which is a good, famous air purifier, in my room. I know they work. But it is not enough for all livings to inhale and exhale healthily.

We definitely need clean air. And for that we need to shift our lifestyle to one which is good for all plants and animals. Because none of us can live without breathing. This year I have supported some activities to clean up air. We must act more.

初出：2015年3月29日

Few weeks ago, I saw a documentary of wolves “Living with Wolves”.  Three years ago,a photo of extinct wolves by human activities caught my heart. Since then, wolves has been a special exisistence for me. I respect them and admire them. Their existence sometimes encourage me to live on this dirty gray Earth which is totally far away from blue planet as this photo by Japan Meterological Agency’s Himawari-8 satelite. Blue planet is our ideal and unfact vision of the Earth.

quote from: dailymail.co.uk

“Living with Wolves” shows us how we can build a healthy relationship between wolves and us. Also this reminds us to remeber a natural life rythm like living with sunrise and sleeping with sunset. Artificial separation creates lots of diseases, fears and anxiety. It pushes us to forget our humanity. We need to remember that who we are ,as a part of the Earth.

Let’s change our lifestyle to the one which does not disturb Earth rhythm. Let’s have some clear distance from anthropocentric living way. When we centered our humanity in our life, naturally we will be back to the life which harmonize with the Earth and other living things including wolves.

We humans also have such a beauty way the same as wolves in this documentay. We need to go back to be human from chunk of greed.

初出：2015年1月16日

When I was a child, I needed a camera to take photos, I needed a CD player to listen to music, I needed a ruler to know the length of something . Each of them exists for one purpose. So we needed to switch our consciousness to go to the next thing without missing a beat. It helped us to decide whether we liked something or not rather than whether we could make something or not.

Now I need only one device like an iPhone to take photos, listen to music and measure. I realized that the feeling that I could do many thiings at once with my hands deprived me of aliveness or life force. Because everything starts to be treated as data. So the world changed from a sphere to pixels. It is like eating chicken soup in separate parts, like carrots first and chicken broth second. In that way, I don’t savor chicken soup in a harmonized way. It is the same as only seeing broken up pixels instead of seeing one picture.

One day I determined to graduate from the pixelated world. For example, I will listen to music as music not data. I want to enjoy music as a whole not as disassembled parts. At least when I was a child, many musicians paid attention to not only to the music but also to the jacket or liner. So I could imagine its music from the liner notes and its work consistently had a clear intention. And feeling the musician’s intention sometimes helped me to go forward. But only streaming digitized music cannot make it.

So I bought a CD player and stopped copying music from a CD to iTunes. Each time I listen to music, I feel like bowing to that musician. They poured their passion into the music, so it is worth bowing to. This also helps me to take back dignity in my whole life. I received conveniences from data, but it is not my future, it is my past.

初出:2019年1月14日

I have worn outfits by Petit Bateau of France often for over 20 years. Their philosophy is to never be out of fashion. Their lines are always simple, precise and beautiful. They keep their shape well despite repeated cleaning.

When I was in my early twenties, I poured my energy into being in better shape. I endured 90 minute workouts three days in a week. I tolerated drinking strawberry-flavored protein drinks, too. I loved to dressed down in a simple t-shirt and skinny jeans paired with stiletto pumps. I tried to fit into that kind of style.

And I found out that it was impossible to wear “12 ans” size shirts. I wore a Japanese size 7 or 9. But “12 ans” was too small for me. To wear “12 ans”, I would have needed to compress my skeleton.

Many years passed after that and I forgot all about it. I loved my natural body. I discovered yoga and Pilates were suitable for my body. I learned that I didn’t need to control my body based on my preconceptions. I just started to love who I was and to love my body. I started to respect my body.

Two years ago, I learned how to take back subtlety in my body while practicing shamanic training. I have continued my efforts since then. Last autumn, I started to feel that “14 ans” was too big for me. This winter I really felt that they were baggy. Finally, I was determined to wear “12ans” which had been too small for me.

But amazingly I could fit into it and it was the right size. Now I never hanker after wearing a small size like “12 ans.” But now “12 ans” is my size, as if my subconscious never give up fulfilling my wishes.

Sometimes we say, you have to let go of something to get it. It happened to me for some reason. Anyway, I have a “12 ans” body now.

初出：2015年3月6日

When you were a child, who did you aspire to be like?

I remember at least two people who I aspired to be like.  One was Kukai. He lived between the 8th and 9th Centuries during the Nara and Heian Period. Another one was Seishonagon. She lived between the 10th and 11th Centuries, also during the Heian Period.  In this post, I will focus on the fomer one.

According to many history books, Kukai was talented, worldly, strategic and eccentric. He is known as the originator of Shingon Buddhism. He is also known as one of the three best Japanese calligraphers. I learned in elementary school that he repaired a big reservoir.

His name means sky and sea. When he reached enlightenment in his twenties, there was only sky and sea around him. So he decided to name himself Kukai.

Kukai was born in Kagawa Prefecture and moved to Kyoto to go to a university. Amazingly, there was a university system which was similar to the current university system. During this time he lived and studied near my current home. When I moved to current my home, I had forgotten this fact. But now I remember it, and that made me wonder.

When he was thirty, he was chosen as an envoy to China.  Chinese records say that his Chinese was very fluent. It’s a mystery why he was chosen to be an envoy.  But it reveals that he was a strategic and eccentric person.

When I was an elementary school student, I did not know why I aspired to be like him. But now I know.  His faces,  worldly, strategic and eccentric, are my faces, too. I unconsciously knew it, so I aspired to be like him. Now he often inspires me. His life give me some hints on how I should live.

Who inspires you?

初出：2015年2月12日